Are they related to Jon Snow?

So just been for my meeting at DWP-ESA to see if I’m “fit for work” this is what she told me to do to “get better”

Lady at DWP- join groups you will meet more people and get you out interacting with people.

Me- I am in groups, I go to a photography group once a week, a Autsim group once a week and a night class once a week.
Lady at DWP- oh, well, what you need to be doing is looking for groups to join then your not sat in your room doing nothing it will really help…
Me- I am in some groups…

Lady at DWP make friends in your own area the friends you have aren’t real friends because they aren’t there for you all the time because and they don’t I’ve in your area.

Me- errrrrr I’ve known my friends close to 10years they have been there for me though everything when others stabbed me in the back they stuck by me no matter what no matter where they live.

Lady at DWP- oh so you had friends in the area before?

Me- yeah but none I want to reconnect with they was toxic and would make my anxiety and depression worse.

Lady at DWP- oh well why don’t you reconnect with them they can help you better than the friends you have now.

Lady at DWP- go college

Me- I do, I do English, Maths, and Mandarin.

Lady at DWP- oh, well why not sign up at college?

Me- I’m at college, and right now I can’t sign up because it’s not September I can’t sign up till august now.

Lady at DWP- oh, well what’s stopping you from going to college?

Yeah….I had to bite my tongue and ask was her name Jon Snow!

OK, I’m not knocking what she suggested, because yeah doing the things she suggested can help, it helps some people more than others but yeah it can help.

What got my back up was she wasn’t listening when I said I was doing she tried to make it sound like she was putting the idea in my head.

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Hella bad, Hella good day

So, today started off pretty awesome I got up ready to set off to Manchester to meet my friend Midnight, then head to our other friends Ally who lives in Liverpool.

I got a taxi into town and train to Manchester everything was going great until I got into Manchester, I hadn’t gotten all of the messages from Midnight, she was under the impression she was staying at my house I was under the impression we was going straight to Ally’s.

I started to get upset because I felt stupid for not understanding or not getting the messages it must have been my fault, how can I be so stupid, how am I so dumb, I always mess things up…. everything, I try not to but I end up being a screw up.

Midnight told me to get a coach ticket to Liverpool.

So I did when I got on she gave me a hug and said she had gotten hold of Ally and it was fine we can stay at hers.

I was still upset but a bit more relaxed.

Me and Midnight went to a Japanese place and then went to Ally’s

After all my worrying every thing was fine we have had a fun day and now chilling watching TV.

A year on since my journey started

Wow, it’s been along time since I posted. I wasn’t even sure if this account was still accessable. I’m not sure if I should delete the old blogs and started a fresh, I guess I’ll leave that up to you guys. Looking at my old blog the last entry was just just before I went to Scotland with Midnight.

I guess I will tell you all the past year has been. It’s been a strange one…full of up’s and downs. I was seeing a councillor and then I moved on to see a psychologist/psychiatrist I can never remember which is which. Any way I was seeing someone to try and help with C-B-T but he felt I needed some one who could help me more, which medical wise is where I am right now. The new psychologist/psychiatrist diagnosed me with DPD.

I did feel like I was getting better, even enough to come off my meds, but lately I’ve fallen back down the rabbit hole of darkness.

Just before Christmas I had to go for a medical at the DWP, The Doctor I saw agreed, I’m not fit to work and shouldn’t be put on any work programme, great, perfect some one finally believes me, some one finally listened to me…right… wrong. I got a second letter from DWP saying “GREAT NEWS! You may not be fit to work but screw what the Doctor said we are going to ignore it we want you to come in see a work adviser to get you back into work!”

I went to meet my work coach and guess what…I had a meltdown in the meeting not that she did anything to help me just sat there saying, “why is this so hard for you…” Maybe it’s because I’m Autistic, have Anxiety, and ohhhhh I don’t know DPD on top of that.

Since then, my mental health has taken a downward spiral. I’m back on meds and back fighting the black dog, yesterday I was so close to saying hang it, I thought about ending it all just closing my eyes and not waking up but then two voices screamed in my head one with a Yorkshire accent and one a Liverpool accent. My two best friends, Ally and Midnight and I think that’s what brings me back here to blogging.

It might not be every day like before, it might just be when I’m low and depressed or when I have something to say.

People say people with mental health issues get better, yeah we do, but it’s not that simple we can be fine one day, we can be fine for month’s but then one small thing happens and we are back at square one.

Mental health vlog day 76

Today has been great we went to town and then chilled we spent all day watching orange is the new black and then random stuff on tv.
We have been getting ready for Scotland tomorrow I so can’t wait i doubt I will sleep tonight well we do have six and half hour drive so if i fall asleep it’s all good.

I honestly can’t wait  feel really good right now, I just hope that i’m going to get better now and i can start being happy again.

Mental health blog day 74

Today started good me and midnight went down to pontefract museum and had a walk into the castle but there was working being done on it so we couldn’t walk round but was still cool to go down there.

We chilled watching tv and just chatting but then money or lack of raised it’s head im worring about having enough coin for this tomorrow scotland and then two more weeks im sure i still be fine but still

Mental health vlog day 73

Today has been rocking, i got up early me and dad went for some breakfast.
He then took me to Midnights, it’s been a wicked day we had a walk into town and watched films.

We watched 13th warrior and pirates of the Caribbean.
We have had a laugh and a joke just all in all had a great day.

Tomorrow we are going to go to the castle hopefully this good feeling stays