Last night was the best night sleep I have had in a long time, I still got to sleep latish maybe 1 before I drifted off to sleep but I was the best sleep in a while.
Saying that…I didn’t wake feeling great I woke feeling sick and all in all not great.
I went to ring the number the doctor had given me but couldn’t find it i started to panic a little but I rang the doctors up and she give me the number again so i manged to get hold of the councillor, they are sending me forms to fill out over then hopefully I will be able to see one.
I thought about ringing my friend Hayley and cancelling me going today I just didn’t feel like going into town and being around people, But I know that she likes me going and looks forward to me going and I can’t explain to her “I’m sorry I don’t feel like coming today my heads sick!” I guess I could have just said “I’m not well…” but that makes her worry because she thinks I’m hospital ill and makes me get well soon cards which, don’t get me wrong, is really, really, really sweet but I don’t wanna worry her.
Anyway I picked her up and we went into Wigan for some lunch, I don’t know if she picked up that something was wrong or if I was working on autopilot but we was both very quiet which for Hayley, normally means A, something is wrong with her or B, She’s picked up there is something wrong with you.
We went to a cafe in the park I just had a cheese and ham sandwich and she had a jacket potato with beans.
We had a walk round town trying to avoid has many people has I could, I did bump into a old friend Madeline and right away the mask came up I smiled and nodded and said “I’m fine, I’m good, I’m grand never better” when in fact when she asked me how was I, what was I up to.
I felt that wave of tears want to break out and just say everything like I was back in the doctors room.
We said our goodbyes and me and Hayley went for a coffee before taking Hayley home.
When I got home I checked one of the videos I had uploaded and saw I had left mistakes in which then made me doubt myself and kick myself I had a moment but then I found a way to fix it so this once, melt down averted.
I have felt strange all day like I’m working on autopilot I’m looking forward to Saturday and this weekend with Ally and Midnight I just hope I don’t spoil it for them.