Today I’ve worn my mask and acted like everything as OK, I got myself up early went downstairs and spent the day with mum with it being her birthday.
She seemed to like her presents so that made me feel good.
I also had a phone call from the counselling service I have to go tomorrow so hopefully I’m closer to finding out what has been going on and hopefully getting answers to why I have been feeling the way I have.
Maybe if i knew i could face the demons face on and beat them but until I know…
I went into Town to do somethings for mum then my friend Kim called round which was nice has I don’t get to see her that much.
Even though I have smiled and laughed today I haven’t felt happy the mask stayed on and no one would know anything was wrong, i just feel dead inside and like i’m a robot like i’m going over the motions it’s like that song from Buffy: Once more with feeling-
“Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can’t even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be
Hopefully I will get answers soon that’s all I want, I’ve been doing vlogs has well has blogs both are kind of helping but i guess when i get one to one the light bulb will pop on