mental health blog day 19

Today started off with me still feeling bad and not up to doing anything, mum gave me a shot to ask if I could sit with the dog because she was going up to my uncles for a hour or so to help him with something.
I managed to get up and sit downstairs for a bit when dad came back from taking mum I went for a walk to KFC.

On the way there I had a panic attack and almost turned round and went home but i managed to keep going.
Again everything felt out of sync, like I was in a dream, the colours faded my brain told me that the grass was green, and the sky was blue, but my eyes kept on telling me the world was black and white and there was no colour and then my brain started to tell me that this wasn’t real and this was a dream that i was asleep.

I started to get the numb feeling again like I was a zombie, or in a waking dream I just walked, I found myself wondering how far I could walk I felt like just walking and walking and walking and not stopping, I didn’t…but I felt like it.
I just got to KFC ordered my food sat down and had  a minute to myself then made my way back.

When I got back dad wad just about to go and get mum so I just sat down stairs when they came back uncle was with them, which was good because I do enjoy uncle coming.
He always makes me feel human I think because he talks to me normally and not something that is seen has a servant and understands me and what’s going on in my head right now.

Then I went to GPW (grand pro wrestling) and I honestly could not be prouder, Bry one of the girls I looked after has a kid did her first GPW show and honestly I felt….I felt something I was so, so proud of her like a mother who is proud of a daughter i felt myself cry happy tears and for the first time since I was with Ally and Midnight I smiled a big smile.
I also got to see some friends there Pip, Joey, Johnny, Danielle, Dionne…and after worrying about  going I had an amazing night.

Tomorrow is another day but lets see what it bring.


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