Mental health blog day 73

today has been good, went into town with Hayley, we went for some lunch and coffee we had a good chat and got to hang out.

when I got back we i did some videos and then spent the rest of the night editing them, i did get stressed out has they wouldn’t seem to work or my card slipped and i had to close the programme and restart i did start getting annoyed at the computer.

I can’t wait for tomorrow to have a week away and then i gotta do it all over again for the con in Blackpool and Birmingham i know I have things to look forward to and things to enjoy but still i can’t shake the self doubt and cloud.

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mental health blog day 72

Today has been better I think it’s because 48 hours i will be going over to Midnight’s, i’m OK to go over on Thursday, I so can’t wait a change of area will do some good.
Ponte, Newcastle, Scotland i can’t wait.

To just hopefully have a few days of excitement and to able to laugh and smile. To just geek out already i feel the warmth coming back.
I know that when i come home…what ever problems are here will still be here but going away gives me some time to think, some time to think of things.

Midnight understands and cares and right now thats what i need

Mental health blog day 71

Today I have felt a bit more with it I think it’s because I know it’s only a few days to Scotland and i’m going to have a change to scenically, which is just what I need.
I’m all packed and i think i am going to go over to Midnights on Thursday Wigan is driving me round the bend I just need to get out i know that when i come back next week all the problems are still going to be here, if i still feel bad when i get back, then it may be time to look has residential support till I start to feel 100% Until then how ever, I am going to try and see how I get on.

I went to the Hub and that was fun one thing I love about going there is the peace you can take yourself off and just sit quiet on your own just have a little bit of quiet.

Mental health blog day 70

Today has been no better, ive felt worse if anything.  I can’t expain it to any one I got up this morning and right away my mum bombarded me with demands i just sat on the couch and cried to myself.

I went to the shop and had a panic attack on way there and way back.  I just want to scream all the time just open my mouth and scream like no tomorrow.

Once i took my meds and they stated to work i felt a little better and was downloaded some games to play.

I also talked to midnight and she said if i don’t feel any better by Thursday i am more than welcome to go over Thursday, which i am thinking of doing a change is as good as a rest.

Mental health blog day 69

Today i’ve not felt great and i think i know why but i don’t know how to fix it if i could fix it…i would be ok.

I haven’t felt like doing any blogs or anything i just wanted to stay in bed. Not get up not move or do anything.

Well ok thats 70% ture i needed to go into town to get a new case for my holiday and friend Pip told me where i could get some cheap ones so i asked could i go there only to be told no, i had to beg for a lift in the went i went on my own into town and got a taxi home.

I thought about going to or phoning the hospital up to see if they could admit me for a few days to get myself right.

Im actually half tempted to ask Midnight can i go over to hers on Thursday start my holiday early.

mental heath day blog day 68

Today has been great I’ve felt a little sad because i had to leave Midnight and Ally but I’ve got to see Bri and Dionne I’ve also got to see Pip and some of my other friends at GPW.
I really miss wrestling next to the convention it’s the next thing to a family feeling  want to go back, but HIS voice his always there calling me worthless and stupid and would never do anything in my life, just like in school.

I bet i can sit down and do a time time to when things went down hill went back up and went down again.

It’s becoming clear, only problem is i don’t know how to fix the problem.

Mental health blog day 67

Today started off being stressful, I thought my dad was taking me to Liverpool but he said he had to go to Manchester so ended up on the train, which in it’s self was stressful.
Has I had to rush for my train and get some thing to eat.

Has it turned out I didn’t need to rush has i got in to Liverpool an hour early, so in the end i didn’t need to worry.
I had a walk round some shops and then heading to starbucks and waited for the  girls to join me.

Midnight met me first and then ally later on, we had a walk round some more shops and then went for chinese and we had the most random chat…but then again we always do.

Afterwards we went back to Allys and chilled thats why this is so late being posted.

I Do feel sad because it’s a quick visit but not long till scotland