Today has been great we went to town and then chilled we spent all day watching orange is the new black and then random stuff on tv.
We have been getting ready for Scotland tomorrow I so can’t wait i doubt I will sleep tonight well we do have six and half hour drive so if i fall asleep it’s all good.
I honestly can’t wait feel really good right now, I just hope that i’m going to get better now and i can start being happy again.
Today started good me and midnight went down to pontefract museum and had a walk into the castle but there was working being done on it so we couldn’t walk round but was still cool to go down there.
We chilled watching tv and just chatting but then money or lack of raised it’s head im worring about having enough coin for this tomorrow scotland and then two more weeks im sure i still be fine but still
today has been good, went into town with Hayley, we went for some lunch and coffee we had a good chat and got to hang out.
when I got back we i did some videos and then spent the rest of the night editing them, i did get stressed out has they wouldn’t seem to work or my card slipped and i had to close the programme and restart i did start getting annoyed at the computer.
I can’t wait for tomorrow to have a week away and then i gotta do it all over again for the con in Blackpool and Birmingham i know I have things to look forward to and things to enjoy but still i can’t shake the self doubt and cloud.
Today has been better I think it’s because 48 hours i will be going over to Midnight’s, i’m OK to go over on Thursday, I so can’t wait a change of area will do some good.
Ponte, Newcastle, Scotland i can’t wait.
To just hopefully have a few days of excitement and to able to laugh and smile. To just geek out already i feel the warmth coming back.
I know that when i come home…what ever problems are here will still be here but going away gives me some time to think, some time to think of things.
Midnight understands and cares and right now thats what i need
Today I have felt a bit more with it I think it’s because I know it’s only a few days to Scotland and i’m going to have a change to scenically, which is just what I need.
I’m all packed and i think i am going to go over to Midnights on Thursday Wigan is driving me round the bend I just need to get out i know that when i come back next week all the problems are still going to be here, if i still feel bad when i get back, then it may be time to look has residential support till I start to feel 100% Until then how ever, I am going to try and see how I get on.
I went to the Hub and that was fun one thing I love about going there is the peace you can take yourself off and just sit quiet on your own just have a little bit of quiet.
Today has been no better, ive felt worse if anything. I can’t expain it to any one I got up this morning and right away my mum bombarded me with demands i just sat on the couch and cried to myself.
I went to the shop and had a panic attack on way there and way back. I just want to scream all the time just open my mouth and scream like no tomorrow.
Once i took my meds and they stated to work i felt a little better and was downloaded some games to play.
I also talked to midnight and she said if i don’t feel any better by Thursday i am more than welcome to go over Thursday, which i am thinking of doing a change is as good as a rest.
Today has been great I’ve felt a little sad because i had to leave Midnight and Ally but I’ve got to see Bri and Dionne I’ve also got to see Pip and some of my other friends at GPW.
I really miss wrestling next to the convention it’s the next thing to a family feeling want to go back, but HIS voice his always there calling me worthless and stupid and would never do anything in my life, just like in school.
I bet i can sit down and do a time time to when things went down hill went back up and went down again.
It’s becoming clear, only problem is i don’t know how to fix the problem.