Are they related to Jon Snow?

So just been for my meeting at DWP-ESA to see if I’m “fit for work” this is what she told me to do to “get better”

Lady at DWP- join groups you will meet more people and get you out interacting with people.

Me- I am in groups, I go to a photography group once a week, a Autsim group once a week and a night class once a week.
Lady at DWP- oh, well, what you need to be doing is looking for groups to join then your not sat in your room doing nothing it will really help…
Me- I am in some groups…

Lady at DWP make friends in your own area the friends you have aren’t real friends because they aren’t there for you all the time because and they don’t I’ve in your area.

Me- errrrrr I’ve known my friends close to 10years they have been there for me though everything when others stabbed me in the back they stuck by me no matter what no matter where they live.

Lady at DWP- oh so you had friends in the area before?

Me- yeah but none I want to reconnect with they was toxic and would make my anxiety and depression worse.

Lady at DWP- oh well why don’t you reconnect with them they can help you better than the friends you have now.

Lady at DWP- go college

Me- I do, I do English, Maths, and Mandarin.

Lady at DWP- oh, well why not sign up at college?

Me- I’m at college, and right now I can’t sign up because it’s not September I can’t sign up till august now.

Lady at DWP- oh, well what’s stopping you from going to college?

Yeah….I had to bite my tongue and ask was her name Jon Snow!

OK, I’m not knocking what she suggested, because yeah doing the things she suggested can help, it helps some people more than others but yeah it can help.

What got my back up was she wasn’t listening when I said I was doing she tried to make it sound like she was putting the idea in my head.


A year on since my journey started

Wow, it’s been along time since I posted. I wasn’t even sure if this account was still accessable. I’m not sure if I should delete the old blogs and started a fresh, I guess I’ll leave that up to you guys. Looking at my old blog the last entry was just just before I went to Scotland with Midnight.

I guess I will tell you all the past year has been. It’s been a strange one…full of up’s and downs. I was seeing a councillor and then I moved on to see a psychologist/psychiatrist I can never remember which is which. Any way I was seeing someone to try and help with C-B-T but he felt I needed some one who could help me more, which medical wise is where I am right now. The new psychologist/psychiatrist diagnosed me with DPD.

I did feel like I was getting better, even enough to come off my meds, but lately I’ve fallen back down the rabbit hole of darkness.

Just before Christmas I had to go for a medical at the DWP, The Doctor I saw agreed, I’m not fit to work and shouldn’t be put on any work programme, great, perfect some one finally believes me, some one finally listened to me…right… wrong. I got a second letter from DWP saying “GREAT NEWS! You may not be fit to work but screw what the Doctor said we are going to ignore it we want you to come in see a work adviser to get you back into work!”

I went to meet my work coach and guess what…I had a meltdown in the meeting not that she did anything to help me just sat there saying, “why is this so hard for you…” Maybe it’s because I’m Autistic, have Anxiety, and ohhhhh I don’t know DPD on top of that.

Since then, my mental health has taken a downward spiral. I’m back on meds and back fighting the black dog, yesterday I was so close to saying hang it, I thought about ending it all just closing my eyes and not waking up but then two voices screamed in my head one with a Yorkshire accent and one a Liverpool accent. My two best friends, Ally and Midnight and I think that’s what brings me back here to blogging.

It might not be every day like before, it might just be when I’m low and depressed or when I have something to say.

People say people with mental health issues get better, yeah we do, but it’s not that simple we can be fine one day, we can be fine for month’s but then one small thing happens and we are back at square one.

Mental health vlog day 76

Today has been great we went to town and then chilled we spent all day watching orange is the new black and then random stuff on tv.
We have been getting ready for Scotland tomorrow I so can’t wait i doubt I will sleep tonight well we do have six and half hour drive so if i fall asleep it’s all good.

I honestly can’t wait  feel really good right now, I just hope that i’m going to get better now and i can start being happy again.

Mental health blog day 74

Today started good me and midnight went down to pontefract museum and had a walk into the castle but there was working being done on it so we couldn’t walk round but was still cool to go down there.

We chilled watching tv and just chatting but then money or lack of raised it’s head im worring about having enough coin for this tomorrow scotland and then two more weeks im sure i still be fine but still

Mental health blog day 73

today has been good, went into town with Hayley, we went for some lunch and coffee we had a good chat and got to hang out.

when I got back we i did some videos and then spent the rest of the night editing them, i did get stressed out has they wouldn’t seem to work or my card slipped and i had to close the programme and restart i did start getting annoyed at the computer.

I can’t wait for tomorrow to have a week away and then i gotta do it all over again for the con in Blackpool and Birmingham i know I have things to look forward to and things to enjoy but still i can’t shake the self doubt and cloud.

mental health blog day 72

Today has been better I think it’s because 48 hours i will be going over to Midnight’s, i’m OK to go over on Thursday, I so can’t wait a change of area will do some good.
Ponte, Newcastle, Scotland i can’t wait.

To just hopefully have a few days of excitement and to able to laugh and smile. To just geek out already i feel the warmth coming back.
I know that when i come home…what ever problems are here will still be here but going away gives me some time to think, some time to think of things.

Midnight understands and cares and right now thats what i need

Mental health blog day 71

Today I have felt a bit more with it I think it’s because I know it’s only a few days to Scotland and i’m going to have a change to scenically, which is just what I need.
I’m all packed and i think i am going to go over to Midnights on Thursday Wigan is driving me round the bend I just need to get out i know that when i come back next week all the problems are still going to be here, if i still feel bad when i get back, then it may be time to look has residential support till I start to feel 100% Until then how ever, I am going to try and see how I get on.

I went to the Hub and that was fun one thing I love about going there is the peace you can take yourself off and just sit quiet on your own just have a little bit of quiet.