Today started good me and midnight went down to pontefract museum and had a walk into the castle but there was working being done on it so we couldn’t walk round but was still cool to go down there.
We chilled watching tv and just chatting but then money or lack of raised it’s head im worring about having enough coin for this tomorrow scotland and then two more weeks im sure i still be fine but still
I woke up this morning feeling good, and i actually went down stairs and sat with mum and dad for a few hours.
I felt in a good place in a happy place, best I have felt in a while…well…since i was with Ally and Midnight.
I was able to smile and laugh when mum talked to me or if I played with the dog I wondered if I had over reacted and it had just been a moment of sadness and was I wasting the doctors and councillors time.
Afterwards though…I went down again I just went upstairs meaning to do my room, but i just lay on my bed and didn’t move for three or four hours, just lay there not wanting to move or watch tv or listen to music or play on my ps3 or read a book…nothing I just felt dead inside and like I was on the inside looking in like the world was a TV show.
I put one of my Favourite shows on ‘once upon a time’ but I wasn’t really watching if that makes sense it was just…on…
I did watch one of my favourite youtubers, Jacksepticeye, and he give me a light blub moment.
He has been playing a game called a night in the woods and he was talking about one on the characters in the game and he talked about how he thought they had depersonalization disorder and the way he talked about it and described it, it was like how I feel at the moment and what is going on in my head right now and like the asexuality and autism the penny dropped, i’m not saying this is what I have or that i’m self diagnosing but at least I have a clue or something to take to the doctor/Councillor and that has given me something to work with, so not that Jack with ever see this but thank you, you have given me hope and something to work with.